It’s Not Homosexuality!
Whether people admit it or not, today, there is a thriving homosexual life across the Maghreb. It has its symbols, rituals, customs, places, fears, questions, and demands. Talking about one’s sexual orientation is not an obligation, thankfully; those who say their sexual orientation is no one’s business have every right to do so. However, this stance might also be a way to avoid taking the final step toward fully embracing their homosexual identity.
Associations have emerged to unite the cultural and social activities of homosexuals in the Maghreb, where French-Maghrebi and local Maghrebi homosexuals gather (such as Kelmati, Nessdis, and others). These associations provide support, listening, and meaningful exchanges for homosexuals and lesbians across the Mediterranean. Even though families remain hesitant or entirely opposed to the idea, whether they like it or not, homosexuals exist among Arabs.
According to an American report (University of Minnesota), 30% of all young people who commit suicide are homosexuals. In a society where only traditional love is recognized, and where Christianity and Islam classify homosexuality as an act against nature, homosexuals learn to live in secrecy. They experience internalized shame, isolation, loneliness, and what is technically termed “internalized homophobia.”
However, outright condemnation alone does not explain homophobia. For instance, alcohol consumption is also condemned in Islam, yet people do not display the same hostility toward alcohol drinkers as they do toward homosexuals. So, homophobia is not solely based on religious reasons.
In many cases, hiding one’s sexual orientation under the pretext that “it’s nobody’s business” forces individuals to lie about their daily lives and play a role that does not align with their true selves. It is always better to be yourself everywhere and at all times—to consider those who reject you for this reason as ignorant and irrelevant. However, Mediterranean social life does not always allow for such detachment. So, how does this homosexual community cope with the cultural, religious, and familial pressures that can be so difficult to bear?
Samir says: “I cannot follow a religion that does not allow me to exist in my differences. I don’t pray, I drink alcohol, I love men, and I don’t fast during Ramadan.”
Meanwhile, others say: “I am Muslim before I am homosexual. God is merciful and forgiving; He will forgive me because I am a good person.”
Yassine (27 years old) explains: “I stop drinking alcohol 40 days before Ramadan. I pray and go to the mosque… It’s a good opportunity to cleanse myself.”
Words like purification and divine forgiveness reveal the confusion and suffering experienced by many homosexuals in the Maghreb. Homosexuality is perceived as impure, a sin, even by homosexuals themselves. This often leads to guilt, followed by a search for “salvation” at some point. In many cases, “salvation” means marriage—returning to the “right path,” marrying a woman, having children, and continuing life as expected.
However, this situation benefits everyone:
- The parents, who fear societal judgment.
- The woman, who has always dreamed of finding a husband, building a family, and securing her social status.
- The homosexual man, who sees marriage as a way to shield himself from family pressure and societal rejection.
A Real Story
I have a neighbor who was born without testicles and, therefore, cannot have children. He has been homosexual since birth. His parents tried everything they could to prevent him from embracing his sexuality, but it was futile. Now, at 22 years old, he is in love with a man. His parents kicked him out of the house, leaving him lost and abandoned at such a young age.
He is still a student at the School of Fine Arts, and ironically, he is deeply religious. Seeking help, he went to the local imam, hoping he could intervene and convince his parents to accept him. It was useless. His parents even banned him from entering the mosque. Now, he prays at a different mosque, far from his home.
One day, he came to visit me and asked:
“Can I be both homosexual and Muslim at the same time? In paradise, I don’t want wine, virgins, or even meat… but I do want men, hashish, and vegetables. Will I get that?”
You need to find an answer for him!
And here’s another question for you:
What would you do if you found out your child was homosexual?
